On me dit que le destin se moque bien de nous

I just got back from a creative writing club. Wow. I think I've found my niche. <3

It was their first meeting ever -- we all introduced ourselves and talked about what we liked to read and what problems we had with our writing. When it was my turn to speak, I was hardly nervous at all. The room was a small classroom-sized auditorium with a stage at the front, and I actually sat on the stage next to the club leaders, facing the other members, without any problems. Granted, I barely talked to anyone except to say hi. Just working up the willpower to go to the meeting at all was hard enough! Next time, I'll definitely bring some of my writing with me to share.

Aside from that, the most exciting thing about today was my biology midterm. Woohoo.

Friends & Family Weekend is coming up tomorrow -- I'm going to be spending a lot of time with my parents, and my roommate will be hanging out with some friends from back home. They flew in tonight; she just left to go pick them up. I'm a little nervous about meeting them... and I'll probably try to avoid the dorm until they leave.

Four people crammed into a tiny room would get old fast, anyway. <3

I'm going to have to rethink my "goals," because they're not working out like I wanted them to -- maybe I should make a more general sort of check-off list, instead. Last week, I didn't accomplish any of the goals I listed (they just didn't fit in with my schedule), but I still managed to go out and socialize more than I have since I moved here. That has to count for something ; )

Today I had a counseling appointment -- I met my official counselor for the very first time. She seemed to know where I was coming from, and gave me a lot of good advice about how to invite people out, and control my nerves. I told her that I was going to go to a club later today, and she said she was surprised I was pushing my comfort zone so much; I was like, "I've held myself back a million times already... I know that if I keep doing it, I'll never be happy."

But it's easier said than done. I got thisclose to chickening out and NOT going to the club today (especially since I got lost trying to find it! It was located in the "Secret Garden" -- an appropriate title ;D), but I called the club leader (hesitantly), and she directed me to it. There were only like, 5 other people there, and they weren't very talkative, so I'm not sure that this will be a great place for me to make friends... but the club is all about exercising with a combination of yoga/pilates, which I love, and the leader seems like a very cool person. I plan to stick with it and go to the Thursday meeting, too.

I also talked to a guy in my Biology class for almost the entire class period -- I know there will come a day when just talking to the person sitting next to me for an hour will no longer excite me, but until then, I'm ecstatic about it ; ]

Oh, and while I was studying outside of the library, I was approached by a Mary Kay girl (you know, the girls who sell the cosmetics, and throw house parties where people can try them out?) who entered me in a raffle. And I won! She's going to throw a small party at my house on Saturday for me and a few friends.

This is where the problems arise. My two best friends from back home had their birthdays recently, and they want to celebrate them on Saturday. One of them has a sister who works for Mary Kay, so she's been to tons of MK parties already. They might not be able to go. Or want to go. This is where I'm supposed to be brave and ask new college friends to go with me.

But... I don't really have any.

I guess I could invite the girls from my study group, but I don't really know them very well. Would that be weird? I could invite someone from my class, but it just seems so personal to actually invite them to my house, when I don't know them very well.

This is another thing I talked to with the counselor -- the fact that I still don't really know how to ask for things from other people, like their company.

Grawr. I honestly don't know what I'm going to do, if neither of my friends can come. I'm supposed to call the Mary Kay girl back tomorrow... which doesn't give me much time to invite people, anyway. =\ What should I do?

I'm seriously considering telling the Mary Kay girl that I can't do it this weekend, after all... or next weekend, or the weekend after that... but that's not an option for me.

[Note: Passing gas is fatal to seriousness. Um. Whoops. I thought my roommate was asleep, but I just heard her trying not to laugh. This journal is way too personal, isn't it? ; )]

So when I left for college, I pretty much expected to be a little depressed. I mean, I'm away from home, from my best friends and my family, and I came here not knowing anyone (admittedly, I *barely* know a few people, but they're always surrounded by friends... the one person I tried to talk to, found a quick excuse to leave ::sniff::). The shyness doesn't help much, either.

Plus, K. left college for a few days to go back to Colorado (family crisis), and not having someone in the room makes me feel SO alone.

At least I have French class next... and Biology. Two classes where socializing is actually required. These days, it's not so much that I'm afraid of talking to people (lonliness + eagerness to change = bravery?), but that I don't know how to go from talking, to "let's hang out tomorrow."

I do have a couple of things to be excited about, though: I signed up for a Biology study group tomorrow (!), and I'm also being considered for an on-campus job, possibly starting this weekend.

Social rules I'm learning to live by:
-always greet someone when you sit down in class
-if you can't think of anything to say to break the ice, say someting funny (an observation, maybe), then ask the person a question
-appear relaxed at all times (don't cross arms, try not to fidget, speak in a smooth voice)

One of the biggest problems I have is my voice. A girl I used to work with once told me "I'm surprised your voice carries," over the noise of the gelato freezers and the music. All my life I've been told I have a really soft voice -- it's sweet, apparently, but it makes me seem like I lack confidence, and doesn't give a very good first impression. Sometimes I try to give my voice a stronger edge, but it feels unnatural to speak loudly all the time... I guess this is one of those things that isn't exactly helping me to be less shy, but it's such a part of who I am that I'm not sure I want to change it.

If this journal appears to be getting very contemplative, it's probably because I'm not getting out much.

I can't wait for that study group.

Classes started yesterday. =] I'm getting along well with the roommate and suitemates. I haven't really met anyone else new, though. In French class, I talked to one girl who was from the same part of Arizona as me, and in English I exchanged phone numbers and email addresses with someone for class, but I haven't made any lunch dates or gone anywhere with anyone on my own so far.

Yesterday I visited the parents again -- I needed some stuff from Target -- and I told them how nervous I was about dinner that night, since I didn't have any plans yet and was afraid to ask anyone to go to the dorm restaurant with me. When they dropped me off at ASU, I went straight to my room -- the roommate and suitemates were gone -- and filled up on a Clif bar and some cereal. Later my roommate and her new friend went to the cafeteria for pizza. I jumped at the opportunity to go with them. Then we wound up back in the dorm watching The Hills together... I didn't see it coming at all, but I was SO relieved to be a part of the group. Even though I still don't know them very well, my shyness didn't act up like usual... I was able to be myself, playful and friendly.

Today I had Biology class... with 300 other kids. =O Wow. I'd never even seen a classroom that big before! ASU is impossibly huge. I love it, though... I've been bicycling around campus, exploring, and there's always something new to see.

Anyway, school is going well. Still haven't made much progress on the social networking, though. At least the people in my dorm are friendly with me. <3

Anyone else started school yet? How's it going for you? =]